Sunday, February 2, 2014

January 2014 Wrap-Up

January is said to be the month of resolutions, but I like to think of it more of a time to make some transformations. Is it ok to use the word "transformation" and have it be minor? Or, is a transformation supposed to be one gigantic, singular thing? I feel like I am transforming myself daily. And it is big time news.

January is the month I went freelance. I have been waiting my whole life to be paid to write. Only. As in that is my day job. And here it is - a literal dream come true. My first month in has been glorious and I count my lucky stars that it has started out so positively. I am not naive enough to think that there might not be rough months. But I am also not pessimistic enough to wait for the other shoe to drop. 

I will continue to work my ass off and do a good job, build some steady clients and that's all I can do. My best. I have to say being my own boss, making my own schedule is something that is truly priceless. Having hard work pay off is so fulfilling that I can't imagine going back to work for a company again. 

However, I will never say never. But this freelance life, I think it was meant for me.

Finally, I hope to get back into real concentration on my creative writing so I can win that Oscar that I've already prepared a speech for.

January was also the month that I realized I no longer can eat Velveeta shells and cheese. I am sad. That is the go-to comfort food and after such a long relationship, I am in denial about us parting ways. There were many a nights that VS&C combined with fish sticks fed my hungry heart and belly. But now, no more. 

You know how they say your taste buds change every seven years? I think this is what must have happened. I cannot eat that or Taco Bell. My food life is becoming one I do not recognize. Let's take a moment to remember.

Moving on. 

I tried a lot of new things in January. I have been to several new restaurants, visited San Antonio for the first time, and also hiked a mountain that I maybe couldn't have done last year. I feel the opportunities to reach out and try the new are just popping up everywhere. I am volunteering with a writing group and an art group to get back into my creative flow. I feel this burst of positive energy catapulting me forward and I am thoroughly enjoying it.

I want to have a purpose. I want my days to start and end with "I am so grateful..."

Every day I feel like I am becoming more comfortable being myself. People make it seem like confidence is something you either have or you don't, but I definitely disagree. Certain situations I can be truly confident in and then there are others where I become withdrawn. The ones who have only seen me confident and outspoken are surprised to see me shy and quiet. The ones who have only seen me reserved are surprised to see me speak my mind. 

While I don't place value of other people's opinions too much, it doesn't mean I still don't take them into account. You have to consider which opinions are worth keeping and which need to be filtered out. Sometimes it is hard to determine which is which. Understanding who you want to be as a person and the kind of people you want to surround yourself with, the easier life seems to be.

But then even as I write this, what a narcissistic ass I am worried about being. For what, though? Why would I want to look back on this and dwell on what went wrong?

Anyone else live like this?

Looking back and seeing how kick ass I was is so much better.

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