I'm Getting Older...

I'm getting older. I embrace this fact because I know that with every day that passes I'm learning something that will prove to be invaluable to my life. I'm in my 30s now so I know better. I don't know everything, but I know better. I know that sometimes people don't act the way we want them to. Before I had a bit of Pollyanna idealism and I thought that every person is inherently good at the core, but now that I am older I know that a) that is not true and b) it is not my job to pull the good out of people. If I give a person an opportunity and they continuously show me that they are crappy, then that is my answer. There is no hidden, deeper solution, no message to be decoded.

I'm getting older so I know now how to filter opinions. For every person out there that wants to see me succeed, there is a person that will throw a wrench in my plans whether it be indirectly or directly. There will be advice received whether I like it or not and negativity spewed in my direction by people who are mostly just miserable in life. I understand now how to filter this. I used to take it all in and think that because someone said something about me that it was true or I second guessed decisions based on other people's beliefs of what they thought I should do. I still take it all in, but now I filter out what I don't need. I have trained myself to literally tune out the noise brought upon by those wishing to stir drama or spread negativity.

I'm getting older, so it seems like I should be marking accomplishments. What did I achieve this year that I didn't last year? What milestones of life have I fulfilled? The beauty of getting older is that you can set your own pace. People find that you are old enough to make your own decisions and/or mistakes so they don't badger you as much when you don't do things on their timelines. And if they do, I always just resort back to the filtering lesson.

There is a lot I learned while in my 20s and a lot more to learn now that I am in my 30s. It's good though to feel comfortable in my own skin and have the ability to recognize my setbacks and downfalls and address them head on. It feels good to not have to live up to anyone else's expectations and know that it is my opinion that matters, especially when it comes to living my own life.

I'm getting older and I am excited for what lies ahead.

dieinafire.com - Working Title

The premise behind the website would be sort of the antithesis to Hallmark cards. Clients would hire me to send an email to someone that has done them wrong in the past telling them how much they suck as a person. It would have to be email, so it wouldn't cost any money.

dieinafire.com

I am legitimately thinking of starting a website called dieinafire.com. I may have to get copyright from my boyfriend as he coined the phrase first (or likely stole it from a television show or movie). It could alternatively be called stickyourheadinatoilet.com or a more succinct dontbemean.com.

But Courtney, isn't that a bit childish? Don't you think it's better to take the high road? Sometimes, it's not. Sometimes even if you take the high road, it doesn't mean you have to keep your mouth shut. I used to believe that people will live through their own karma and it's not up to me to point out their massive shortcomings, but I see now that that's just silly. Calling people out for being assholes may be unladylike and while it might not change anything in the long run, it still might feel nice in the short-term and really, doesn't life boil down to instant gratification? Let's not pretend that it doesn't.

As I was thinking about it, telling someone to "die in a fire" might be borderline threatening, but I figured there's not too much harm to it because it's not as if I am performing voodoo. Don't tell me that there aren't choice words that you would like to say to someone or have someone say on your behalf.

Yes, I know mean shouldn't be addressed with mean and that we're to turn the other cheek and all that. There are times though that I feel we are doing the jerks of the world a disservice by not doing a PSA that lets them know that you know they suck. This idea actually comes from a slightly more violent idea I also had where people would hire me to go punch people in the junk much like in "What Happens in Vegas." Clearly, that was directed for a certain audience.

If you haven't guessed yet, I am highly protective of my friends and family who I feel have been wronged. I am also a big believer in seeing justice being served even it's in an elementary, perhaps borderline immature way.

Serious Slacker

The darkest places in hell...

I haven't made much progress at all with my 50/50 Challenge. Even when I thought I was on quite a roll, I feel like I've come to a slow almost standstill. I did read Inferno by Dan Brown in about a weekend even thought it was what felt like 1,000 pages long. I enjoy his books. They're fast reads and discuss lots of interesting things about art and history and symbols and I find it fascinating, if fictitious. It kind of makes me want to read Dante's work again, even though I'm sure that thought will be cut short when I start to wade through that clunky text. 

This book took a little longer to get started on than his past ones, but still once I got into it, I couldn't put it down. I can't say what my favorite of his is, maybe The Lost Symbol because I freaking love information about the Masons. All the secrecy, I think.

While the likelihood of me reaching my 50/50 goal looks dismal, I still have not given up hope. I am having trouble finding new books I want to read. And then when I do find books to read, it becomes difficult to finish them! #booknerdproblems

In other news, looking forward to the return of Scandal, Top Chef and American Horror Story in addition to the beginning of The Blacklist. #couchpotato

Did she really just hashtag in her blog? You bet your pants I did.

"The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality during times of moral crisis." - Dante Alighieri

Book #19: Inferno by Dan Brown