I hate speaking in public. I don't like having focus shifted onto me unless I have specifically asked for it. If I should ever get married, I wouldn't mind if my groom would walk down the aisle while everyone stared at him and I would just stand at the alter waiting. In short, I don't care if people like to look away from me.
As a writer, I am fortunate that I don't have to speak to too many people on a regular basis. I rarely have to give a presentation and when I do speak it's about editing or social media or content. But as it is, my job has started a new video series for our company. The videos are meant to be short snippets of information for our clients and potential clients to learn about the ins and outs of what we do. It's a cool concept and hosting a video is purely volunteer.
But somehow I have volunteered! I have spoken up and said that I will do something I don't like! I'm not even sure how it happened, but now that it has I don't want to look like a punk and back out. I'm not nervous necessarily, but I'm already being too hypercritical of how I might screw up.
Also, it will just be me and the person running the video camera in the room, so it's not like I'll be publicly speaking, but I'll be put on the spot. And I don't do that. I'm not a performer! I'm a writer!
I can sit by myself for hours on end without any interaction and be ok. Of course, I'm not a hermit and don't prefer that, but I don't stand up and call to be the center of attention either. My personality is honestly borderline extrovert and introvert, but I feel that I'm only extroverted in situations I'm already comfortable in.
Although it's been quite some time, I do have experience with presentations. In high school, I was part of the forensics team and in college, one of my majors was Communication Studies, but since then I haven't really had to stand up in front of anyone. Ever.
But now it's the eve of my video and I'm not freaking out, but more just anticipating how things might have changed over the past decade? Will I feel more confident? Will I breeze through the video (which is short anyway)? No tricks work for me. No taking slow breaths or imagining the audience in their underwear, so stupid. I just want to be done with it. And, I want to do a good job.
Hopefully, I don't stammer through. Oh, and I also have to stand on top of a box of paper so I'm tall enough next to the wall TV that will be behind me. Don't stutter; don't sweat; don't biff it off the box.
Wish me luck!
Monday, August 20, 2012
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
What Does It Mean?
By now I'm sure you've heard the song "Little Talks" by Of Monsters and Men. It's catchy and peppy, but a little bit haunting. Every time I hear it I try to figure out what it's about. It's a sweet sounding tune, so much so that you'd think it's about a long lasting love, but honestly every time I hear it I think about someone going crazy and "talking" to herself.
My favorite part of the song is when it slows down and the lyrics go:
Now wait, wait, wait for me, please hang around
I'll see you when I fall asleep.
What do you think that means?!
Am I way off base? I don't think I am. I'm pretty sure I'm right.
Monday, June 18, 2012
30 and Not Hissing at People: I'm Doing Well
Courtney HartmannI saw this really fantastic, quirky movie, Lola Versus, filled with people you don't know doing things you probably don't care about, but in a really silly and laugh out loud way. Actually, you'll probably recognize Greta Gerwig as that one girl who was in that one movie with that one A-list star. She is a bit awkward, but also adorable and in the movie she goes through this semi-downward spiral after an abrupt breakup with her fiance.
She is also facing turning 29, which I guess is supposed to be scary. Why? Because 29 is almost 30 and 30 means you're supposed to a) have shit figured out or b) feel remorseful when you make a huge ass out of yourself because you got drunk/were dumped/had a rough week at work. 29 is still young and free and 30 is old and confined? Such a crock. I related to Lola during her verge of a new decade of life/sink to the bottom, especially during one memorable scene in which she hisses at a store clerk.
Lola goes in to buy liquor, underpays and then runs out of the store in a frenzy. The store clerk runs after her yelling when all of sudden she stops and hisses at him. Then, she takes a big swig from a 40. In that moment, I was hurtled back to my 20 year old self who told my 20 year old guy friend that if we were not married by the time we were 30, we should marry each other. I also told him that if I am not married by the time I'm 30 that I would probably want to start hissing at people. Just for fun. Not because I thought I'd be that kind of weirdo. Or, maybe deep down I thought in my naive way that I would feel bad for not being married by 30 and turn spinster scary, and do things like eat my hair, become a hermit and yes, hiss at people.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, this did not happen. But sometimes don't you think, I just wanna fuck with people to see what they'd do. I just want to act totally out of the norm for reaction sake only. Is that called vanity? To think people care what I do? I'm telling you, the minute you start acting batshit crazy, people pay attention. Not necessarily a good thing, but entertaining nonetheless. At least for a little bit.
But, I forgot all about my thoughts of how it'd be when I turned 30 until Lola came along. So, I leave you with this: I am 30. I do not hiss at people. But, I'm not taking the option off the table. Go see that movie. Again, it's Lola Versus and it's only like 80 minutes long, so you can make it through. So far official movie reviews have been pretty unimpressed by it, but I thought it was great. The best friend, as always, is the true star of the movie and the actress playing the best friend co-wrote the movie. Although, Lola herself has a pretty sweet "move" right at the end. If you see it, then you'll know what I mean.
On a side note, I have jumped ship from my 50/50 challenge. I wasn't getting a prize in the end anyway. The prize was supposed to be my own self-validation that I accomplished reading 50 books and saw 50 movies in a year. That pretty much was never going to happen. Plus, I'm not really a a fan of self-validation. I wanna be freaking recognized for my accomplishments. Hence, the hissing, I suppose.
R.I.P. 50/50. You didn't offer me enough to stay.
She is also facing turning 29, which I guess is supposed to be scary. Why? Because 29 is almost 30 and 30 means you're supposed to a) have shit figured out or b) feel remorseful when you make a huge ass out of yourself because you got drunk/were dumped/had a rough week at work. 29 is still young and free and 30 is old and confined? Such a crock. I related to Lola during her verge of a new decade of life/sink to the bottom, especially during one memorable scene in which she hisses at a store clerk.Lola goes in to buy liquor, underpays and then runs out of the store in a frenzy. The store clerk runs after her yelling when all of sudden she stops and hisses at him. Then, she takes a big swig from a 40. In that moment, I was hurtled back to my 20 year old self who told my 20 year old guy friend that if we were not married by the time we were 30, we should marry each other. I also told him that if I am not married by the time I'm 30 that I would probably want to start hissing at people. Just for fun. Not because I thought I'd be that kind of weirdo. Or, maybe deep down I thought in my naive way that I would feel bad for not being married by 30 and turn spinster scary, and do things like eat my hair, become a hermit and yes, hiss at people.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, this did not happen. But sometimes don't you think, I just wanna fuck with people to see what they'd do. I just want to act totally out of the norm for reaction sake only. Is that called vanity? To think people care what I do? I'm telling you, the minute you start acting batshit crazy, people pay attention. Not necessarily a good thing, but entertaining nonetheless. At least for a little bit.
But, I forgot all about my thoughts of how it'd be when I turned 30 until Lola came along. So, I leave you with this: I am 30. I do not hiss at people. But, I'm not taking the option off the table. Go see that movie. Again, it's Lola Versus and it's only like 80 minutes long, so you can make it through. So far official movie reviews have been pretty unimpressed by it, but I thought it was great. The best friend, as always, is the true star of the movie and the actress playing the best friend co-wrote the movie. Although, Lola herself has a pretty sweet "move" right at the end. If you see it, then you'll know what I mean.
On a side note, I have jumped ship from my 50/50 challenge. I wasn't getting a prize in the end anyway. The prize was supposed to be my own self-validation that I accomplished reading 50 books and saw 50 movies in a year. That pretty much was never going to happen. Plus, I'm not really a a fan of self-validation. I wanna be freaking recognized for my accomplishments. Hence, the hissing, I suppose.
R.I.P. 50/50. You didn't offer me enough to stay.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)